Ok,what's the deal here then? Since when did OBM get anyone nice to play for them? Because that's the crux of the matter.Terry is nice. Nice,nice,NICE. Or was. Let me explain.

We have known Terry for some time now, having met him at one of our notorious White Lyon Jams. We were taken with his winning ways, cheeky grin, and his willingness to get his round in. Aye,aye we said;here's a chap who will fit in nicely.And so, whenever the opportunity arose,we would offer him the gig. And here's a few of the excuses he came up with:

• Too busy
• Too nice
• Too busy being nice
• In bed with bad leg
• In bad with nice leg
• Got a note from his mum excusing him bass guitar that day
• Lost voice
• Lost bass
• Lost way to gig

Get the picture? Basically, he knew he was too nice for us, and that somehow if he threw in his lot with us,his ineffible niceness would dissipate overnight. So what happened to make him change his mind? Simple we offered him money, and suddenly niceness became an unnecessary encumbrance, and we saw the true nature of this grasping, avaricious beast. Which means that he fits in even better than expected.

Of course, he is occasionally overcome by unexpected bouts of residual niceness, but these are usually dealt with quite easily, by waving a fresh £10 note under his nose. Of course, we have to borrow this from the punters (we are all on Disability Benefits) and you can expect this avenue of audience particpation to become a very regular feature at our gigs. After all, prolonged niceness is extremely irksome.

So there you have it; a charming exterior which conceals a heart of pure darkness, the Beast contained by Beauty, the Hyde within Jekyll. Evil with four strings attached. Be warned (and get those tenners ready).

N.B. He doesn't really only play in A ,you know.